Hi Friends. It’s time to get real for a moment. I often post about my progress and successes, but today I want to get vulnerable in the midst of feeling like a hot mess.
I made the conscious decision to stop drinking 3 months ago. I felt great during that time. I decided to have a glass of wine 10 days ago, but it didn’t stop there. I had another 1/2 glass on Love Day, and then another glass Saturday night. Not only did I have wine, but when my judgment is clouded; I make less conscious decisions that affect my health. I indulged in the bread, ate way too many potato chips (albeit the healthier option with expeller-pressed oil), over-eating (a big one) and that was all it took for my SIBO symptoms to flare up. The past week I have been moody, exhausted, bloated after most meals, gassy, constipated AND I have a little patch of eczema over my eye and I’ve NEVER had eczema prior to this year. My gut has been compromised, and I feel like a loser! My PMS has been extreme, and my husband can attest to this excessive shift in moodiness. I’m feeling the worst I’ve felt in MONTHS…maybe years. Oh and TMI, but I also have a yeast infection, which I haven’t had in YEARS! I’m actually embarrassed at how much of a mess I am, but I thought it would be a humbling and healing opportunity for me to share with you.
I’m a sensitive person. Simple as that. Due to my genetics, my troubled childhood, terrible diet growing up, slew of antibiotics combined with emotional trauma; I’m a delicate being. I am sensitive to chemicals, toxins, unhealthy foods, loud noises, negative energy. I’m an introvert and need more alone time than time with others to keep my balance. I require consistently good sleep, exercise, hot baths, detox support and a LOT of healing exercise, such as journaling, reflection, connection, nature, stretching, dancing and massages. When I don’t nourish myself, I get out of balance quickly and myself emotional and exhausted with digestive issues flaring up.
Sometimes I try to keep up with the healthy peeps…feeling like I can hang and being resentful that my constitutionally stronger friends and family can hang with the best of em’ and “eat what they want” (not without consequence but not noticeable ones right now). As I sit here stewing over my delicate constitution; I realize that I’m one of the lucky ones. I have grown stronger, faster because of the challenges I have faced in my life and in my health. My experiences have encouraged me to take the holistic path of vitality and wellness, which will last a lifetime. And THIS particular experience I’m having right now is just another bump in the road…another experience to add to my tool belt to help others. I UNDERSTAND my friends. I feel the pain. I know what it’s like to suffer in your body, fighting to heal and feel better, frustrated because I’m uncomfortable and angry and feeling held back from exploring the world and pursuing my passions. I GET IT. And when I go through these setbacks; I remember. I am reminded of the pain, the struggle, the feelings of despair. The critical self judgment. Why would I make these choices and not practice what I preach? Why am I such a loser?! I’m not a loser. I’m just not perfect. I’m here for a reason, and I believe that reason to help guide others to increased health and vitality. I feel more resilient and 90% better than I felt 5 years ago. My life has changed and yours can too.
I choose not to judge myself. I choose to let go of my anger. I choose to surrender. I choose to listen to my body gently and let it guide me. I choose to love myself and hug myself through this challenging time. I believe in progress, not perfection. I let go. I love. I live. I accept what is! I accept ME.
I would love to hear from you. What is a challenge that you have faced and overcame in your health and do you ever have setbacks?
Ps- stay tuned. I will write an update after I’m feeling better!